He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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