dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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