btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
