we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
