So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
