So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
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I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
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I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
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