Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
