Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
