i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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