Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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