I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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