She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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