i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
