"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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