That's intense
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You have to summon your inner elephant
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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