proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
