i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
