OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
