just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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