Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
His nipple licking is glorious
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