You can't motorboat a personality
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
