so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize