I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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