do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
