just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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