Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just had sex bonerless
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
