Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
