We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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