he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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