My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
