brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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