Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
