I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
