she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
only if we run a train.
done.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
