ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
