How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
