he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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