Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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