She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
