I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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