dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
