This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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