absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
