I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
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Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
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I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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