They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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