i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
