she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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