yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
