Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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