I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
