Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
