at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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