remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
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Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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