please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
