yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
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I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
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He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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