So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
