Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He felt like a one man threesome
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
