Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
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She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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