Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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