So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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