its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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