How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
