I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
