Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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