It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
