I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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